Dear Oracle,
My girlfriend has an impressive job and is super successful. I’m really proud of her yet I can’t help but feel inferior in comparison. I love my job and worked hard to get where I am in my career but I’ll never make nearly as much as she does. She can afford to buy really nice things and she’s very generous to me but I feel bad that I can’t reciprocate. She just bought her first house and I still live with roommates. If we moved in together, what would I even bring to the relationship? All of her friends work in her field so they’re also really successful and I know they wonder why she’s with me.
I love my girlfriend. She’s an incredible person, we have a great relationship and I honestly think we could spend the rest of our lives together. How do I get over being so intimidated by her success?
Intimidated Isaac
Dear Isaac,
You’re putting a lot of emphasis on income here, my friend. You say she’s incredible and your relationship is great, so why are you letting her pay cheque play such an important role? We need money to live on, that’s a fact. Yet, one’s salary should not be their defining characteristic.
It sounds to me like you already know what’s going on here — you’re insecure and you’re projecting the belief that you’re inferior onto your girlfriend and her friends. In comparison to her, you feel like you’re not successful enough, yet mentioned that you worked hard to get a job you love. I think most people would consider that career success. Don’t lose sight of that.
It’s also common in our society for men to feel like they should be the breadwinner in a relationship, but that is certainly not the case anymore. It shouldn’t matter who brings home the bacon as long as you are both happy and healthy in the relationship. Your value as a partner doesn’t have a dollar sign — continue to be the loving, supportive boyfriend you are and continue to love your girlfriend for the person she is.
Yours in light & love,
The Oracle
