Dear Oracle,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for eight months. The first six were incredible. He was super sweet and affectionate and would always go out of his way to do nice things for me and make time for us to be together. I felt like I was a genuine priority in his life and that things were getting serious. But over the last two months something has changed.
He was going through a stressful time at work and putting in a lot of extra hours so we weren’t seeing each other as much. He’d be too tired after work to hang out, even if I offered to come to his place. I tried to be understanding and give him spacebut once work calmed down we still weren’t hanging out as often.
Then, over the last few weeks, he started being weird about his phone. He’s got it password protected and won’t let me use it. He says he just doesn’t like people messing with his stuff. I feel like he hides the screen when I’m around and won’t answer calls or texts, but he used to text his friends with me in the room all the time. I mentioned something about it and he said he was disappointed that I was acting so irrationally jealous.
I tried to tell myself that I was just being paranoid, until last week. He’s always said he doesn’t do social media but we ran into one of his old high school friends one night and the guy said something about messaging him on Facebook. If he has an account, why would he lie about it? And why wouldn’t he ‘friend’ his girlfriend? I’m convinced he’s hiding something from me. Before I call him out for being a cheat, am I reading too much into this or should I confront him?
Sincerely,
Suspicious Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Sadly, it doesn’t sound like you’re being paranoid. I certainly wouldn’t call it irrational jealousy. These are definitely some suspicious behaviors and I think almost anyone in your position would feel the same.
Everyone has a right to freedom and privacy. Your boyfriend doesn’t have to spend all his time with you, nor does he have to share everything on his phone. However, you have the right to leave him and find a mate who’s more open with you.
Give him a chance to be honest. Share you concerns with him in a calm, non-confrontational way. If he’s defensive and still just thinks you’re being jealous, there’s a good chance you’re right and he is hiding something.
No one should have to live with secrecy and suspicion in their relationship. At this point, if he’s unwilling to open up, you should be prepared to walk away. You deserve truthfulness and trust and you will find someone out there who can give that to you. Unfortunately, this guy might just not be the one.
Yours in light & love,
Oracle
