Dear Oracle,
I hope I’m not overreacting here but I’m having a minor relationship dilemma that’s divided the opinions of my friends. Some said it’s no big deal while other say it’s a sign I should end things and move on. I’ve been dating a wonderful man for the last eight months. We were friends in college who reconnected and hit it off right away. He’s kind, considerate, funny and I really think I could spend the rest of my life with him. I’m totally in love.
Thing is, he hasn’t told me that he loves me yet. I’ve been reluctant to say it because I’ve made the mistake in the past of saying it before the guy was ready and it didn’t end well. He’s always affectionate and saying nice things like he adores me and that I’m his favorite person, but still not those three words I really want to hear. I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want to waste time with someone who doesn’t see a future with me but I also don’t want to ruin a great relationship that could develop into something really amazing. What should I do?
Loving Lisa
Dear Lisa,
Everyone experiences emotions and expresses their feelings differently. Some of us openly share what’s going on in our hearts and minds. Thus, we crave the same from our partners. We desire to hear the affirmation that they feel as strongly about us as we do for them. For others, it’s not as easy to discuss emotions.
Just because he hasn’t said he loves you doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there. Love is more than simply saying it. Ask yourself, do you feel loved by him? Does he express affection through action and other words? Perhaps, like you, he’s been hurt before and is cautious.
If it’s stressing you out, it may be time to have a talk. Try to work it into conversation naturally rather than confronting it straight on. You may want to start by expressing your feelings for him and see if that helps him open up. And if expressing your feelings means telling him you love him, that’s ok. Just be prepared that he may not say it back. That doesn’t mean the relationship is over. Give him time to say it when he’s ready. His feelings may still be developing. Every relationship is unique and there are no set timelines for when things should happen.
Try to trust your head and heart and give him a chance to come around.
Yours in light & love,
Oracle
