Dear Oracle,
My ex and I broke up about seven months ago after a year and a half together. Our first year together was incredible. We’d even started talking about moving in together. Then she started dealing with some family issues and our relationship changed. She pulled away and wouldn’t share anything with me and it created a distance between us. I’d like to say the break up was mutual but the truth is I was very much in love with her and really though she was the one.
When she ended things, I cut all ties and even blocked her number. I spent a couple months in a bit of a depression but I’ve bounced back, starting dating again and am doing really well. A few weeks ago, she sent me an email that was a very sincere apology and explanation for how things went. We wrote back and forth a few times before she asked if I’d meet her for a drink and I accepted. We had an incredible evening together. The connection was totally still there and we even kissed at the end of the night.
She wants to go out again and as much as I also want that, I don’t want to get hurt again. I still remember how painful the break up was and I don’t know if I can trust her.
Should I give things another go or is it time to move on for good?
Hesitant Henry
Dear Henry,
Every breakup hurts, even when it is mutual. Just as the pain of a breakup doesn’t stop us from dating again, it doesn’t stop from having feelings for the person who initially hurt us. The heart wants what it wants, right? You may get back together with your ex and she may break your heart again. Or you may start dating someone else and they may break your heart. Unfortunately, when it comes to love and romance, hurt is often a necessary risk.
However, you do have reason here to be cautious. It’s time to really consider why you broke up. Were her family problems to blame or her communication issues? People have the capacity to learn, grow and change. If these issues arise again, perhaps she is better equipped to deal and share them with you.
You can’t erase your history and ignoring it can often lead to tension and unresolved issues. It’s better to be upfront with her about your concerns and have an honest discussion about your past problems. Let her know how you feel and, if it’s meant to be, it will be.
Yours in light & love,
Oracle
